Every week on Monday morning, I sit down at the kitchen counter and make a To-Do list for the week. I always foolishly think this will help me get things done. I don't know why I think that. I fail at it every single week.
Here is the progression of a normal week for me.
Monday morning I wake up feeling like I'm ready to take on the world. I get out my notepad and pen, sit down at the kitchen counter with my lean pocket and cherry coke zero and make a list of all the things I need to accomplish that week.
These things usually range from cleaning the bathroom, grooming the dogs, cleaning out my car, finding a job and so on.
Driven by my Monday morning motivation, I start to tackle the fairly basic tasks on the list. This Monday, for example, two of the top things on my list were 'go to the bank' and 'bake muffins'. You better believe those were some sweet muffins I made, but not as sweet as the overwhelming sense of accomplishment I got out of crossing it off my list.
Feeling proud of myself for completing three or four of my list items, I happily bounce out the door around 8:00 p.m. to go bowling. It is a Monday night ritual. They also have $1.25 games on Mondays. After bowling, my friends and I proceed to one of our favorite bars to sing karaoke until it is technically Tuesday. I get home, go to bed and sleep like a champ.
Then I wake up the next day. Well, ok, technically it is the same day as when I went to bed. Either way, I wake up substantially later than I did on Monday morning and I am usually rendered useless to the world until sometime that afternoon. I stumble around the house, thinking of what I should be doing. I then decide that I will sit down in front of my computer for just a few minutes while I still try to become a functioning member of society.
The next thing I know, it is 5:00 p.m. and I have to go teach my agility classes. By the time I get home, I am completely exhausted and usually end up veggitating infront of my computer until I pass out.
Now it is Wednesday morning. I feel aweful for doing NOTHING on Tuesday. Ok, I taught for 3 hours and made some money. Big deal. Teaching wasn't on my list. I don't get to cross that one off. This is when I start to feel like the week is running out and I will never achieve my goal of marking off everything on the list. I try to rush through things all half assed and then don't even mark them off because deep down I can hear myself saying "you know that is bullshit."
By the time Thursday arrives, I have given up completely. I revert to going out in the yard and playing with my dogs until it is time for me to go teach.
When I wake up on Friday, I tell myself, "Next week. I'll get it done next week." It is a vicious cycle.
I think perhaps I should start making the list shorter. I think if I could, just once, mark everything off of my list, that it would give me the boost of confidence I need to continue to be responsible. Maybe.